A Stultus Pulchram Story
by UberNimrod
Summary: Negi's class has been turned into Bimbos! How is this possible? How can this be undone? Why does this sound like a bad hentai? These questions and more may be answered within. My first foray into dangerous territory.
1. Chapter 0 What Happened Before

A Stultus Pulchram Story

Chapter 0

What Happened Before

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"Hello there. I'm your Unreliable Narrator, UberNimrod here with an exciting tale. A tale of Magic. A tale of Suspense..."

"A tale of Bimbos."

"Quiet, you Unknown Background Commentator. Anyway, the tale itself is called "Stultus Pulchram." Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, you can only find that particular tale in hentai web sites. Meaning you shouldn't go looking for that story until you are over the age of 10. If you don't know what hentai is, go ask your mother."

"Umm..."

"At any rate, since some places on the Internet seem intent on downloading spyware, viruses, malware, and Twilight fanfiction onto your computer, I will be nice enough to describe what happens so you don't have to go searching for the doujinshi. Otherwise you might suffer from losing all of your files, identity theft, low gas mileage, or unexplained popup ads that will appear when your parents use the computer."

"Is it a doujinshi if it was done entirely in 3d Custom Girl?"

"Good question. No idea. The story begins with Negi announcing to Asuna, Haruna, Yue, and Nodoka that he will be leaving for for the weekend to go on a business trip, and that they should not mess with any of his magical items and books. They promise not to do such a thing. However, the moment Negi leaves, Haruna decides to start messing with one of the magical books looking for spells...

* * *

"_Negi-sensei said that magic that makes people fall in love is forbidden," said Nodoka._

"_Hmm... That's true I suppose... Oh! How about this?" asked Haruna._

"_What is it?" Yue asked._

"_It's called 'Stultus Pulchram.' It doesn't actually make people fall in love with you, but it makes you more appealing to the opposite sex in general. It doesn't change their feelings, it just changes you. That's gotta be legal right?" Haruna asked with an eager look on her face."_

* * *

"Legal, maybe. But considering what 'Stultus Pulchram' translates into, it might not be the wisest thing to do."

"Remind me why I brought you along?"

"Color commentary and snarky remarks. Also something about me needing fresh air."

"Well, anyway, Haruna talks the others into at least trying the spell, with Asuna as the guinea pig...

* * *

_"Don't worry about it! Everything will be fine! Well, there were some warnings about loss of intelligence or something like that, but I'm sure its nothing to worry about since you're pretty dumb already after all," Haruna said as she stood up from the table._

"_Wait a second Haruna," Asuna replied as she backed from the table, "Loss of intelligence? What other warnings were there?"_

"_I said don't worry about it. Now let's see... I just gotta point my finger at you and say the magic words," Haruna said as she raised her hand to cast the spell._

"_Haruna! Wait!" Asuna said._

"_Stultus Pulchram!" Haruna said. A pink swirl of energy shot from her finger and struck Asuna._

* * *

"Whereupon it was negated by Asuna's Magic Cancel which has been shown to be able to negate even magical battleship fire."

"You'd think so, Unknown Commentator, but you would be wrong in this instance."

"I call shenanigans."

"What you call shenanigans, TVTropes calls Rule of Funny. And I will pistol-whip you if you say that again."

"Bonus points if you get that reference kids."

* * *

_"Wow! I feel like, totally hot all of a sudden," Asuna said. Then she giggled._

"_Asuna?" Yue asked._

"_A-A-Asuna?" Nodoka stuttered._

"_Woah. Holy crap! It worked!" Haruna said._

_It did work. Before them stood a much changed Asuna. Instead of the high-school uniform she wore, she now had a pink camisole top with very short shorts, and high heels. She was also wearing makeup and hoop earrings that had not been present before. Her breasts had dramatically increased in size, though it was obvious that her top was the only thing covering them as she had no bra._

"_So uh... Asuna... How do you feel?" Haruna asked._

"_I feel like, so totally great!" Asuna smiled before giggling again._

"_Asuna is... acting strange..." Nodoka said._

"_Yeah..." Yue agreed._

"_Screw how she's acting, look at those boobs! I had no idea something like THAT would happen!" Haruna said while continuing to admire Asuna's new look._

"_Like, of course I got big boobies! I'm a Bimbo!" Asuna said then giggled some more._

"_B-B-Bimbo?!" Nodoka's stuttering had reached panic levels._

_Yue turned to Haruna, "Does this have something to do with that "loss of intelligence" thing you were talking about?"_

"_Um... Maybe," Haruna said._

"_Ok like, I'm like having a super fun time hanging out with you guys and stuff, but like, I think we'd have waaaay more fun if you guys were Bimbos too, so like..." Asuna said as she raised her arm to point at Haruna, giggling as she did so._

"_Bimbos too? Wait Asuna, that's..." Haruna started to say._

"_Stultus Pulchram," Asuna said._

"_Haruna!" Both Yue and Nodoka said, but it was too late. Haruna was struck with a pink swirl of energy._

"_Wow, like, you were totally right, Asuna! I like, feel so much better now!" Haruna said before giggling herself._

"_I know, right?" Asuna smiled before giggling._

_Yue and Nodoka were too stunned to move. Haruna's high-school uniform and glasses were gone, replaced by a bunny costume reminiscent of the suits Playboy bunnies used to wear, minus the ears. The red costume that showed her increased assets were set off by the dark brown tights she was wearing to show off her shapely legs._

* * *

"I just noticed something."

"And what would that be Unknown Commentator?"

"I note they have their standard junior-high uniforms in the doujinshi, but you are describing them as having high-school uniforms here."

"I don't think ffnet is ready for junior-high aged bimbos. I want to keep this at a M rating."

"You know that the age of consent is much lower in Japan than it is here in the States right?"

"Your point? Anyway, as you can guess, both Nodoka and Yue are turned into Bimbos by Haruna and Asuna. When Konoka enters the room, she is turned into a Bimbo as well, who then turns Setsuna into a Bimbo when she enters the room to see Konoka. Then this happens..."

* * *

_"Hey guys, I've like, got a totally great idea!" Asuna said._

"_Like, what is it?" Haruna asked._

"_How about we like, turn EVERYONE into Bimbos!" Asuna said before giggling._

"_Oh my God, that'd be like, so much fun!" Yue giggled as she said that._

"_Totally! Let's do it!" Nodoka giggled._

"_Wait, like the whole world?" Konoka asked._

"_Maybe!" Asuna said, "But like, first we gotta start small... like... the girls in our class! Then the school! Then like the whole world!" That prompted another giggle from Asuna._

"_Yeah!" Setsuna said, joining in the giggling._

"_Let's go!" Haruna cheered._

* * *

"And so they set off, and gradually convert their entire class into Bimbos. Even Sayo, Chao, Chachamaru, and Evangeline."

"You're not going to tell them how?"

"Nope."

"You do realize that is just going to encourage them to go looking for that doujinshi right?"

"The point I am trying to make is that the doujinshi ends when Negi returns and discovers his class has turned into Bimbos. There is nothing telling about how everyone was restored to normal, or anything. I'm going to fix that. The doujinshi is just the base for the story I'm writing. If people want to risk their computers looking for the doujinshi, then that is their business."

"..."

"And it only cost me $35 for the computer guy to take the viruses off the laptop, and it was needing to be done anyway."

"Oh I see. So stay tuned and favorite this story. That way you can know when it gets updated."

"By the way, I do not own either Negima or Stultus Pulchram. So there."


	2. Chapter 1 Council of War

Disclaimer: The original Stultus Pulchram was created by Henshin-san in 3d Custom Girl. Negima was created by Ken Akamatsu. I do not own either of these stories.

A Stultus Pulchram Story

Chapter 1

Council of War

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Demonic invasion? That they could handle.

Giant robots attacking the Academy? Cakewalk.

Lovecraftian horror attempting to enter our universe? You could set your clock by those.

An entire class being turned into bimbos? Not exactly in the Incident Reporting Manual.

He looked at the assembled people before him trying to maintain his calm demeanor. He needed to, as there were several worried faces, and one terrified one. After all, he'd just announced to them that there was a magical outbreak in Mahora. That sort of news wasn't taken lightly. Especially on a Saturday evening when classes were over for the day. Everyone present had been ready to go and relax however they wished until they received the call from him to report to his office urgently.

"Do we know what happened?" Akashi-sensei asked. He was among the worried faces, and it was certain that his worry would increase once he found out that his daughter was among the victims, if they could be called that.

"From what I have been able to determine through advanced scrying, it would seem that someone thought it would be interesting to look through Negi-sensei's collection of spellbooks while he was out on his business trip. One of the books in question is a surviving copy of 'An Idiots's Guide to Magic.' That book was recalled several decades ago because of a spell that was contained within that caused quite a bit of trouble when it was cast..."

"Stultus Pulchram?! That spell?"

He looked at Sister Shakti. If anything, she appeared more terrified than she had before he'd announced the outbreak. Obviously she had heard the news somehow before he'd called her to his office. But for her to be this scared was unusual, as she handled most everything rather well he thought.

_Of course no one knows that 'advanced scrying' means 'listening in on my granddaughter's dorm room with the hidden microphone' either._

"I take it you are familiar with this spell, Sister Shakti?" he asked.

She nodded her head so vigorously it surprised him that it did not come off. "That spell is responsible for the ruination of several convents in America. There are those in the Church that refuse to refer to that spell by its name."

"It's that dangerous a spell?" Seruhiko asked.

"It is usually cast by some Lothario looking to score, since it makes the victims happy, horny, and dumb. From my experience, those afflicted by the spell want to share their joy of being bimbos. And since it is so easily cast..." She noticed the looks she was getting from most everyone then. Her expression darkened as she resumed speaking, "You may not believe me, but that spell is what really happened to the Order at Anaheim California all those years ago. And now Misora has been cursed with that spell! If she starts spreading it, Mahora Academy will be turned into a Bimbo Haven!"

"She will not spread it Sister Shakti, I assure you of that," he said, "Now that all of the victims have been quarantined within an unused classroom in that empty building, they will not escape."

"Quarantined?" Gandolfini asked.

He nodded, "Indeed. That is the proper procedure until Negi-sensei returns. As it is his former class that has been afflicted with the spell, I would think he would want to be the one to reverse the effects."

"Well, thank goodness for that." Sister Shakti visibly relaxed at that news. He heard her mutter to herself, "Not to mention his spellbook that caused this fiasco."

"Fiasco? This is a catastrophe!"

Everyone turned to look at the ermine that said the remark, wondering how he had managed to sneak into what was a locked room.

As Chamo approached his desk, he told him, "This is not a catastrophe yet Chamo. We have the situation contained."

"This is a catastrophe for me! I can't steal panties from people who aren't wearing any!" Chamo exclaimed.

_Oh good. Sister Shakti needed something to reduce her stress. And Chamo really needs to learn to keep his mouth shut._

"Is Yuna one of the victims?" her father asked, stepping away from Sister Shakti's strangulation of an ermine.

He nodded. "As is my granddaughter. And two more that I thought would not be affected."

"Two more?" Takahata asked.

He gazed at the assembled mages for a few seconds before replying, "Evangeline and Chachamaru."

There was silence that lasted for several seconds before it was dispelled by a flurry of astonished remarks and questions.

He held his hand up to stem the tide of voices and said, "I had sent them, as well as two more to contain the situation. It is unfortunate that both were affected by the spell, but there is little that can be done at the moment. I have the other two people who helped to quarantine the students researching the spell's effects. They should return here momentarily with news. In the meantime..." He pushed a button on a speaker. "Megumi-san?"

"Yes, Headmaster-sama?"

"Any other magical signatures that need to be quarantined?"

Nutmeg's voice was calm as it came through the speaker, "No. It would seem as if we are in the clear for now. Despite there being a few witnesses to the events. The good news is that it seems as if no one is taking it seriously."

"Please keep a watch over the entire campus. I will send Takane-san and Mei-san to support you when this meeting is over."

Mei nodded while Takane appeared frustrated. "Why can we not help patrol the campus Headmaster?"

"Because both of you would fall easily to the spell if it was cast on you," he replied, smiling at both of the young women. "I am sure that you would not want that."

Takane blushed slightly and nodded as there was a knock on the door.

"Enter," he said as everyone turned to see who it was.

The door opened. Fate entered the room with his usual stoic expression. Kotaro followed behind him with a bored look on his face.

"Did you have any luck finding anything about that spell?" he asked both of the newcomers.

"Some," Fate started to answer before being interrupted by Kotaro.

"Would have taken less time if someone would have just asked for help."

"It would have taken much less time if certain members of the Library Exploration Club were not affected by the spell. As it is, I believe we have a complete overview of the problem at hand," Fate said.

He nodded, "Please give us your report."

"The spell itself is an enchantment designed to reduce the intelligence of those it is cast on, as well as reduce their inhibitions," Fate said, "It changes their entire philosophy, beliefs, and morals into something that seeks out pleasure."

"It is a pretty stupid name for a spell, but it seems to be rather powerful for it to do what it did," Kotaro added.

He had to smile a little at that remark. He noted he wasn't the only one who thought the remark was humorous as both Takamichi and Seruhiko chuckled. Even Kuzunoha smiled faintly.

"What?" Kotaro asked, seeing everyone evidently having a joke at his expense.

"That is what 'Stultus Pulchram' translates into from the Latin, Kotaro-kun. Pretty Stupid," he said.

"Pretty stupid?"

He nodded.

Kotaro seemed to think on that for a bit before responding, "I just know the girls are not themselves. And not just in their heads either."

"Oh?" Gandolfini asked.

Kotaro nodded, "Oh yeah. I had a hard time trying to avoid outrunning them so they could be trapped in that classroom. Those shoes they had on don't let them run quickly. Although Misora kept up pretty well."

"As did Asuna."

"Shut up Fate. But yeah, all they did was walk fast. It was just odd, not having to dodge too many of Kaede's clones, or trying to avoid either Mana or Setsuna," Kotaro said.

"Wait. Nagase-san can still make shadow clones?" Seruhiko asked.

"That is something else that must be mentioned," Fate resumed, "The spell may limit their intelligence, but not their abilities. Or their artifacts."

"What?" Sister Shakti asked, appearing to panic again.

Kotaro glanced at everyone, "Didn't all of you see that bright flash of light earlier?"

While most everyone else shook their heads, he said, "I did, as did Kuzunoha-san here from this office. Was it what I think it to be?"

Kotaro glanced at him, "Well, if you think it was Chachamaru's artifact, then you'd be right."

He held up his hand again to slow the tide of comments and asked Kotaro, "That wasn't the normal bean attack from Al-Iskandariya. What was it?"

Kotaro shrugged, "I might be wrong, but I thought I heard Chachamaru say 'Kitty Cannon, Stultus Pulchram.' That's when that giant pink swirly thing fell from the sky and hit the building that Evangeline and them was on."

Everyone else save for Sister Shakti had looks of astonishment on their faces. Sister Shakti had settled for gibbering insanely in a mixture of Latin, Farsi, and Sanskrit in an attempt to offer prayers to several gods.

"I believe that this is proof of the spell's ability to corrupt artifacts. However, it must be noted that no one was hostile to Kotaro as he tried to encourage everyone to follow him to the classroom, despite several artifacts being weapons. Perhaps the spell also diminishes the aggressive nature of the victims?" Fate mused, "Regardless, there is another matter that I should point out. The spell in question also affects males."

"It does?" Takahata asked, worry evident in his voice.

Fate nodded. "According to what little material I could find on the spell, it turns men into 'total horndogs.'"

There was a pause to let that sink in before Fate added, "I have been unable to discover exactly what a horndog is, but I am sure it is a dangerous creature from the research I have conducted. Perhaps it is a creature native to the United States where the spell itself was first created."

He kept his face straight, as did every other adult in the room. Both Takane and Mei started to react, but before they could say anything Kotaro snorted.

Fate turned to him, "You know what it is?"

"Well yeah!"

The adults held their breath.

"It's a dog with horns. Like a barghest, but bigger. Duh!" Kotaro looked quite pleased with himself as he said that.

Everyone slowly released their breath. Crisis averted.

He coughed slightly to get everyone's attention before asking Fate, "Did you cast the spell as I requested?"

Fate nodded, "The Phantasmagoria is in place in the classroom. It should keep them occupied until Negi's return.

"You placed them into an illusion?" Gandolfini asked.

"Yes. Those affected perceive that they are in a shopping mall I believe."

"I barely made it out the window before he cast that spell," Korato grumbled to himself.

"Asuna and Chizuru were about to catch you," Fate reminded him.

"I'd have escaped on my own," Kotaro said.

"Hmmm," Fate seemed to consider add to that, but instead turned to him again, "Negi is the only one who can open the door to the classroom. It would be a good idea to inform him of the situation when he returns, if only so he can rest before removing the spell."

He nodded, "I will see about leaving a note in his room. I also believe that Takane and Mei can inform Megumi-san as well so that whoever is on watch can also let Negi-sensei know when he returns. I know the business he is on, and I will not disturb him at this moment."

Everyone knew of the terraforming project Negi was undertaking to save Mundus Magicus. He was still in the initial stages of gathering sources for funding and materials. As such he didn't want to disturb him before he had accomplished his current errand. Especially since it would be difficult to gather that funding and support. Just because he had both Ayaka's and Chizuru's support didn't mean their families would follow along.

"I believe we are done here, unless I am missing something?" he asked. He received silence for his answer as he looked at everyone.

He nodded satisfactorily. "Dismissed."


End file.
